#Turnip vs #Turn Up

Once upon a time, Friday night was reserved for the #turnup.

Generally, it began with the reluctant acceptance of a happy hour invite and ended hours later in a cracked Denny’s booth.

At some point, the shenanigans lost their luster and my preference for doing my Friday night drinking (wine, natch) in the peace and quiet of my own home, swaddled in the comfort of a good pair of pajamas and the make-believe world of a binge-worthy Netflix series emerged. That is until I discovered the best thing ever…

GROCERY SHOPPING ON FRIDAY NIGHTS

Ok, ‘best thing ever’ might be a bit of a stretch but bear with me. Imagine waltzing through the nearly abandoned aisles of your local grocery. No cart traffic jams to avoid or children tripping over their untied shoelaces as they trail after their distracted parents. No nearly smashing your elbow into some unsuspecting elderly lady’s skull when you finally decide she clearly hasn’t heard you say ‘excuse me’ at increasing volume 9 times in a row and attempt to reach over her to grab the sauce you wanted. You can read every label description and peruse ingredients at your leisure. No one clucks impatiently when you pause mid-aisle to check a recipe on your phone or huffs rudely while you dig for the best expiration dates. You can see everything in the frozen section without freezing your mitts off because no one has been holding the doors open and clouding up the glass. And, the real cherry on the sundae — once you line up for a register you wait maybe 10 minutes tops because the only people checking out at that time are youngsters grabbing pre-game alcohol and a last-minute pack of gum for some overhyped gathering. The cashiers are too tired to attempt awkward conversation over your selected items and no one tries to upsell you ice or stamps. The churning fireball that is the (Phoenix) sun is temporarily at rest so you can load your trunk without burning yourself and you know you’ll make it all the way home before the ice cream starts melting.

A few years ago I might have bemoaned my trade of #turnup for #turnip but these days it feels like I’ve stumbled upon an epiphany. And it’s a beautiful, beautiful thing.